I guess if I had a problem with pornography, I wouldn’t admit it. I love being a pastor and I fear it would be too big of a secret to manage in a healthy way. But I have a history with pornography — regarding how I view it. This history has come by walking with men who have been honest with me about their struggles. I have moved from a place of condemnation to compassion for those who are users.
I have moved from a place of condemnation to compassion for those who are users.
I once held the belief that pornography use was a moral failure. Wives would talk to me in tears regarding their husband’s porn use. I would meet with the husband, and as he looked down he would admit his error and promise his wife and me to stop. I began to notice this usually drove the behavior down deeper into his soul, without any real healing or hope for healing. Well, sin does that. It makes us feel bad, but feeling bad does not change us.
Sin makes us feel bad, but feeling bad does not change us.
As I grew in my understanding of the nature of pornography use, I began to see the correlation between this and other addictions. Shaming people, making them feel bad about themselves, gives life to the hidden sin. When we think we are cutting off the oxygen supply to the sin we are part of causing more acting out. I began to see that men need huge doses of compassion, not condemnation.
Here is the truth — pornography hurts people, it robs them of their humanity. It hurts the wife who doesn’t feel loved because she can’t compete with airbrushed babes. How dehumanizing. The one person who God has given her to build up her tender self-image (including body image) is tearing her down.
Here’s the truth–pornography hurts people, it robs them of their humanity.
The user himself (I know women also use porn, but stats show it is still mostly men) is dehumanized, as with any addiction, he has become enslaved to a master that is never satisfied. Self-deceit is always present. The recent Time Magazine cover story on porn reports that pornography causes erectile dysfunction in young men who overuse. According to research, men who use are often less able to enjoy sexual intimacy with their wives. Normal sexual expression becomes boring compared with image interaction.
It hurts the women who allow their bodies to be photographed and are objectified and dehumanized. And the mainstream body image “pornification” we see in ads of men and women selling whatever has the effect of dehumanizing men and women in general. We find ourselves rating people simply on their bodies without considering their stories and value as humans.
Research is still in process regarding porn and will be for years to come. We don’t know what will be revealed — and that should make us pause. We do know there is a link between viewing porn and treating people like objects, particularly men treating women in less than fully human ways.
Compassion, not condemnation, is the right response.
Compassion, not condemnation, is the right response. Jesus had compassion when people were dehumanized either by sin or by human rules. Porn is a sin, not primarily because the user breaks a rule but because he breaks God’s heart. God loves human beings and is against anything that dehumanizes them.
–Pastor Mark, the Imperfect Pastor
Editor’s Note: For help with pornography addiction, visit New Life.com to connect with counselors, workshops, and life recovery groups. New Life also hosts workshops for spouses. Celebrate Recovery offers Christian 12-step support groups across the nation.
Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men. (Matthew 4:19 NKJV)
The Imperfect Pastor 