A Haunted Christmas

The last Christmas I was not a believer in Christ was in 1976. It was what I would call a haunted Christmas. To understand why I use that term, I have to go back to the Christmas of 1973.

In the fall of 1973, I went to Europe as a college student to look for “the meaning of life” or something like that. I traveled by myself, dropping in and out of travel companions and also in and out of loneliness. I survived, with lots of adventures to tell. In the wake of this trip, I fully embraced an existential worldview–meaning, if there was any meaning to life, was found in my own self-determined actions. I accepted what had been growing in me, that I was an atheist. My memories of Christmas from that year (I returned from Europe a week before) were that it was all a joke, a hoax for weak people who could not deal with the reality that there is no God. Merry Christmas.

The next three Christmases (’74, ’75, ’76) were not so well defined for me. By the fall of 1974, I had started to become weary of the inner anger it took to hold onto my atheism. I wasn’t sure what was true or false, but I didn’t like who I was becoming. And so began a gradual opening of my mind to the idea of God. The more I opened my mind and heart to him, the more I began to be haunted by him. By haunted, I mean thoughts entered my head like, “I wonder if he is real?” “Why do I feel things like love and hate?” “Does he make demands of people?” and, “Is he personal?” These thoughts grew over those years. Christmas (and Easter) became haunted by questions of, “What if it’s true?” By 1976, I was so haunted that I really wanted to believe, I just didn’t have the occasion to.

That God does not exist I cannot deny. That my whole being cries out for God, I cannot forget. Jean-Paul Sartre

What was going on? Why so haunted? I am not the first person to experience this. One of my existentialist heroes, Jean-Paul Sartre, said, “That God does not exist I cannot deny. That my whole being cries out for God, I cannot forget.” Sartre was haunted by his desire for God and honest enough to admit it. British author, Julian Barnes says, “I don’t believe in God, but I miss him.” Again, the mind won’t allow for what the heart yearns. Blaise Pascal frames the intellectual dilemma by saying that there will never be enough evidence to prove with certainty that God exists or doesn’t exist. That doesn’t mean, however, that there is no evidence. Canadian philosopher Charles Taylor says that secular space is “haunted by transcendence,” which tempts secular people toward belief. Tempted by belief–that is exactly what the Christmas of 1976 did! And as much as I was tempted by belief, I also doubted my doubts.

What wasn’t true had become what might be true had become what is true. Christ was born; he was born in me.

The fall of 1977 was the occasion for faith in my life. I committed all I could of myself to all I knew of Jesus Christ. That Christmas was different. It was not haunted, at least not in the same way. There was something new in the singing of carols and Christmas Eve service. What wasn’t true had become what might be true had become what is true. Christ was born; he was born in me. Merry Christmas!

–Pastor Mark, The Imperfect Pastor

Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men. (Matthew 4:19 NKJV)

Porn is Not a Moral Problem; It’s a Human Problem

I guess if I had a problem with pornography, I wouldn’t admit it. I love being a pastor and I fear it would be too big of a secret to manage in a healthy way. But I have a history with pornography — regarding how I view it. This history has come by walking with men who have been honest with me about their struggles. I have moved from a place of condemnation to compassion for those who are users.

I have moved from a place of condemnation to compassion for those who are users.

I once held the belief that pornography use was a moral failure. Wives would talk to me in tears regarding their husband’s porn use. I would meet with the husband, and as he looked down he would admit his error and promise his wife and me to stop. I began to notice this usually drove the behavior down deeper into his soul, without any real healing or hope for healing. Well, sin does that. It makes us feel bad, but feeling bad does not change us.

Sin makes us feel bad, but feeling bad does not change us.

As I grew in my understanding of the nature of pornography use, I began to see the correlation between this and other addictions. Shaming people, making them feel bad about themselves, gives life to the hidden sin. When we think we are cutting off the oxygen supply to the sin we are part of causing more acting out. I began to see that men need huge doses of compassion, not condemnation.

Here is the truth — pornography hurts people, it robs them of their humanity. It hurts the wife who doesn’t feel loved because she can’t compete with airbrushed babes. How dehumanizing. The one person who God has given her to build up her tender self-image (including body image) is tearing her down.

Here’s the truth–pornography hurts people, it robs them of their humanity.

The user himself (I know women also use porn, but stats show it is still mostly men) is dehumanized, as with any addiction, he has become enslaved to a master that is never satisfied. Self-deceit is always present. The recent Time Magazine cover story on porn reports that pornography causes erectile dysfunction in young men who overuse. According to research, men who use are often less able to enjoy sexual intimacy with their wives. Normal sexual expression becomes boring compared with image interaction.

It hurts the women who allow their bodies to be photographed and are objectified and dehumanized. And the mainstream body image “pornification” we see in ads of men and women selling whatever has the effect of dehumanizing men and women in general. We find ourselves rating people simply on their bodies without considering their stories and value as humans.

Research is still in process regarding porn and will be for years to come. We don’t know what will be revealed — and that should make us pause. We do know there is a link between viewing porn and treating people like objects, particularly men treating women in less than fully human ways.

Compassion, not condemnation, is the right response.

Compassion, not condemnation, is the right response. Jesus had compassion when people were dehumanized either by sin or by human rules. Porn is a sin, not primarily because the user breaks a rule but because he breaks God’s heart. God loves human beings and is against anything that dehumanizes them.

–Pastor Mark, the Imperfect Pastor

Editor’s Note: For help with pornography addiction, visit New Life.com to connect with counselors, workshops, and life recovery groups. New Life also hosts workshops for spouses. Celebrate Recovery offers Christian 12-step support groups across the nation.

Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men. (Matthew 4:19 NKJV)

Celebrating the American Dream?

One of the comments I have heard in this election year is, “There must be a lot of really unhappy people out there,” to explain the phenomenon of Donald Trump. The American dream is not even a hope for them, so it goes. It begs for a closer look at that significant shaping influence we call the American dream. One of the most insightful things I have ever read on the topic is a speech by Andrew Delbanco (Columbia University humanities professor), put into a book by the same name, The Real American Dream: A Meditation on Hope.

Delbanco believes that what Americans long for most isn’t necessarily to own their homes or some view of economic success. Rather, more deep down, they desire a story that they can see themselves in, a story of hope that transcends the futility of life. We have become a nation in need of a myth or symbol that gives meaning and purpose to our lives. He argues that we need a myth, or else we will live in a state of perpetual melancholy.

He gives a broad history of all the ways Americans have, “Tried to save themselves from the melancholy that threatens all reflective beings.” Delbanco tracks that history through the time when God was at the center of the narrative (up to the Civil War) at which point the nation become the focus of the story (up till the 1960’s), then the self became the center. “Hope has narrowed to the vanishing point of the self alone.” It is hard to believe he was writing in the late 90s, before Facebook, one of the great facilitators of self. In my mind, he nails it.

We have become a nation in need of a myth or symbol that gives meaning and purpose to our lives.

Delbanco’s diagnosis of the American dream is much clearer than his prescription. In fact, it’s the American dream that’s at the heart of the dilemma he sees. We live with a huge need for a national story, but we have no means to attain it. Along come politicians. They try to fill this need with slogans like Trump’s “Make America Great Again.” He is not alone. Can that campaign theme, or any other, really fill what we crave in our hearts?

My concern isn’t that America “come back to God.” My concern is that people know there is a story that calls out to that deep craving they have.

Delbanco asks the $64,000 question in the last chapter. “The question we face today is how, or whether, this ‘feeling of being in a wider life [story]’ is still available. Can a nation-state provide it? If not, what can?” writes Delbanco. I don’t think it can. Nor can the self, though I admit, people keep trying. In Delbanco’s perhaps over-simplified scheme, that leaves God. My concern isn’t that America “come back to God.” My concern is that people know there is a story that calls out to that deep craving they have. There is a God, who created the world in love, that we like sheep have gone astray, and that he calls us home in Christ, ultimately to live with him forever.

Now I can say, “Happy Fourth of July.”

–Pastor Mark, the Imperfect Pastor

Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men. (Matthew 4:19 NKJV)

Loving Muslims

This past year I have had several interactions with Muslims. My experience, with one exception, has been very positive (the exception was a case of mental health, I believe). Since I often get asked questions about Islam, on which I am no expert, here are some observations that I am prepared to make.

Westernized Sunnis are concerned Islam has been co-opted by fundamental radicalized Muslims.

The Muslims I have met are well-educated Westernized Sunnis and are concerned that Islam has been co-opted by fundamental radicalized Muslims. They speak against this both to me and publicly. They don’t want Islam to be characterized as a religion of violence but of peace. They are concerned about the public image of their chosen religion.

History is not the final arbiter, God is.

The Muslims I have met are not living in fear of being persecuted. They may be the exception, but they tell me the media has overplayed this. I asked a local imam if he or anyone in his mosque has experienced religious bigotry or discrimination and he said it was clear to him they had not. This came as a surprise to me.

No one but God can ultimately impose their will on history.

They clearly have a deeply held belief that Allah (not Jesus but for whom they have great respect) is in control of history and that one day, the world will be controlled by Muslims, ushering in a new age. I guess that they pray for that day, as Christians pray for “thy kingdom come, thy will be done.” However, some Muslims try to hasten that day through violence. By the way, should that day come, I would hazard to guess that some Muslims will still be fighting against other Muslims (cynical? it’s a comment on humanity, not just Islam).

The ebb and flow of history are part of God’s sovereign mosaic of bigger purposes.

Communism, Marx predicted, would naturally happen over time, it would evolve on its own. It would not need to be politically or militarily imposed. Lenin and Stalin tried to hasten it through the use of violence and coercion. It didn’t naturally evolve, and eventually, it fell apart. History is not the final arbiter, God is. But the ebb and flow of history are part of God’s sovereign mosaic of bigger purposes. I would like to think that Lenin, Stalin, and other dictators have found out you can impose your will on history, but not on God. No one but God can ultimately impose their will on history. Neither can Islam or Christianity.

It is my love of Christ that compels me to love Muslims.

Will Islam continue to grow? There is so much I don’t understand, and I know I am over my head, but I am willing to bet on Jesus Christ – with my life. I’ll bet on Christ, not just on Christianity, which, like Islam, is a mixed bag of good and not so good. Christ commands us to love and pray for our enemies. He absorbed the violence done to him out of love. It is my love of Christ that compels me to love Muslims.

–Pastor Mark, The Imperfect Pastor

Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men. (Matthew 4:19 NKJV)

The Myth of “You Can Do Anything You Want”

 

Whatever Americana consists of, the notion that you can do anything you want (usually qualified by something like, “if you just put your mind to it”) is partly myth. I think Ben Franklin first said it. Russell Wilson is just one of many who build their commencement speeches around the myth. Just remember, history is written by the winners. Not everyone can be the Seahawks quarterback, no matter how hard they try or how much they want it. The myth is perpetuated by those for whom it seems true, the winners, and those who want to motivate others to try harder, usually parents and teachers. They mean well.

I don’t want to be the one to tell you Santa isn’t real, but this just isn’t so. Many have found out, and it wasn’t because they didn’t try hard enough. I will admit to a cynical streak that comes out now and then, but nothing brings it out like hearing this myth repeated. However, the true cynic would not allow for the truth that makes the tale so palatable. Every lie needs some truth to make it seem true. In this case, it is true that you can probably do more than you think you can. Focus and hard work can pay huge dividends. I grant that. But that is not the same as the babble about, “the only limit to your future is your capacity to imagine.” Please.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made with limits.

Limits are not bad things. We all have them. We live in a world with gravity; I’m good watching birds fly. I have been training for a half-marathon, pushing myself beyond where I have gone before. Talk about focus and hard work! But now I have shin splints. Focus and hard work will only make it worse. I have limits. I will die one day, a definite limit. I have always wanted to dunk a basketball–and maybe I could have when I was younger with intense focus and hard work. But now, should I call 9-1-1 before or after I even try?

Facing our limits can be the same as grieving a loss. 

In the early 70’s, cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker wrote an amazing book called The Denial of Death. Ironically, he died not long after he wrote it. He has incredible insight into our propensity to try to fool ourselves regarding death as the ultimate limit. One of the things we do is look for heroic figures who don’t seem to have the same limits we do, people who can dazzle us with their abilities, good looks, or self-confidence. They make great commencement speakers. But others have pointed out that this myth can be the cause of depression and mid-life crisis. Facing our limits can be the same as grieving a loss.

I am loved deeply by God with my limits.

I have limits, and it feels good to say it. I am fearfully and wonderfully made with limits. I am loved deeply by God with my limits. And, true, I can do more than I think I can and maybe I need a good pep talk once in a while to remind me. But remember, the first man and woman grasped for “life without limits,” and they ended up in a much worse place.

–Pastor Mark, The Imperfect Pastor

Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men. (Matthew 4:19 NKJV)

What’s Wrong with Being Judgmental?

We all agree that judgmentalism is wrong. We’ve all probably said something like, “The problem with judgmental people is….” Now pause. You are about to make a statement that will qualify as judgmental. You become like the enemy. Do we give ourselves and others a free pass on judging judgmental people? Or is it OK for us, because we have the moral high ground? But isn’t moral high ground the same ground a judgmental person is standing on supposedly? How can we move the conversation forward? There’s such confusion today about what is judgmental and what isn’t.

The problem is not morality. The problem is not pointing out right and wrong; it can’t be. If we live in a society, or even a family, that can’t talk about what is right and what is wrong, from global warming to lying to immigration policy to cheating, we are toast. So being judgmental cannot be reduced to not talking about right and wrong.

It seems so obvious to say this but sometimes I wonder if we are, as a society, able to talk about right and wrong anymore. It dissolves into an amorphous “what’s right for you” and “what’s right for me.” We have taken away judgmentalism, but at what cost? We end up with seemingly profound statements like, “the only thing we don’t tolerate is intolerance.” Really? We tolerate anything wrong but don’t tolerate calling anything wrong? That’s nuts.

Don’t judge others lest you too be judged.

The essence of judgmentalism is not in calling out right and wrong but in looking down at other people, considering them a lower form of humanity than yourself, or worse, dehumanizing them. And, get ready to be vulnerable, we all do it! I truly don’t believe there is a human being who has not, at one time or another, looked down at someone else. Showing contempt for and labeling other people is “normal” and it’s time we all own up. In owning up, we will become more humble, which brings us down from our place of looking down on others, or at least closing the gap.

The worst form of judgmentalism is when someone looks down at another person without seeing themselves as judgmental. Oh, how proud we feel when we do this – “I am not like them.” Our pride blinds us spilling over into another quagmire called hypocrisy. You just hit the jackpot – a judgmental hypocrite!

Look at the log in your eye, not the speck in someone else’s. 

You know who we can learn from, don’t you? Jesus had this amazing way of talking about right and wrong without being judgmental. Even though he was truly qualified to look down on others, given his resume’ and all, he didn’t come across that way. “Don’t judge others lest you too be judged.” Good advice. “Look at the log in your eye, not the speck in someone else’s.” Don’t judge other simply because they sin differently than you. But above all, let’s admit we are judgmental lest we add hypocrisy to our character as well.

–Pastor Mark, the Imperfect Pastor

Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men. (Matthew 4:19 NKJV)

Jesus and Steve Jobs

I’ve been reading the Steve Jobs biography (by Walter Isaacson) alongside the Gospel of Mark. They both tell the story of amazing men who changed the world. Here are just a few reflections on some of their similarities and differences.

Both Jesus and Jobs did things that amazed other people. Jobs changed the way we use computers, phones, music, and movies, to name a few. Both of them challenged the status quo and made real enemies who were threatened by them or jealous of them. Both of them left words behind that others love to quote. Jesus said stuff like, “Be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove,” or “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” Jobs said things like, “My job is not to be easy on people. My job is to make them better,” or “I want to put a ding in the universe.”

Simple can be harder than complex; you have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. –Steve Jobs

I might also add that Jobs loved innovation and for being extremely wealthy, he, for the most part, was not a materialist. He loved focus and simplicity. “Simple can be harder than complex; you have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple.” Jesus also had a way of making the complex profoundly simple. “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” Or, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Both were often misunderstood, interestingly, and what they contributed to the world was often misused by others. Some of the technology developed by Jobs has been used by terrorists in this world to do great evil. Some of Jesus’ “followers” misused his words in ways that have been far from what he intended. “The poor you will have with you always,” (Mark 14:7) has been used as a way to not care for the poor, for example. This was obviously not what Jesus was saying.

Hmm, not like Jesus.

The differences are also profound. Jobs was known for his “reality distortion field.” It was a way of seeing what he wanted to see and ignoring reality. At times, it’s a fancy way to say, “he lied.” There were times where this was positive in a vision-casting sort of way, but more often than not his behavior hurt other people. His reality distortion tied into his perfectionism. Oh, how he strived to get things just right at any cost, which meant he could be very hard on people. Isaacson says Jobs had a way of categorizing people either as “a hero or a bozo.” It was all about how others helped him accomplish his agenda. Hmm, not like Jesus.

Jesus is so unique.

Jobs was a great marketer and promoter of ideas and products. Arrogant, combative, passionate, Jobs also showed great concern for his public image. He obsessed over promoting his image of “a countercultural rebel turned business entrepreneur.” This is where Jesus is so unique. Jesus asked people he healed to keep it relatively quiet (Mark 2:44). One of the amazing things about Jesus is his lack of concern for his public image. He simply trusted all that to his Father. When he says words would sound boastful in anyone else’s mouth, he doesn’t sound boastful when he says, “I am the way, the truth, the life. No one comes to the Father except through me,” (John 14:6) for example. These words seem totally consistent with his character.

Jesus died a shameful death on a cross, the worst thing imagineable if you care about your image.

In the end, Jesus died a shameful death on a cross, the worst thing imaginable if you cared at all about your image. And yet that image, the cross, is the greatest irony of all time. The place of the greatest loss of image (shame, we call it) is the place where God did his greatest work, showed the enormity of his love–for us. More next time on Jobs death.

–Pastor Mark 

Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men. (Matthew 4:19 NKJV)